Information for Parents and Carers

When my son came out at 16 my immediate reaction was "why couldn't he have told me himself". I found out through a friend of the family. He told me later that it was because he was embarrassed. He hadn't doubted that I would be supportive. I was not shocked, disappointed or dismayed, a little surprised perhaps, but anxious that my son would be happy and fulfilled in life. I realised that he would find it difficult to meet other young gay men, as at the time we lived in a south Devon village and whereas I am sure he was not the "only gay in the village" I didn't think that there would be many "out" gay men there. With that in mind I contacted Intercom in Exeter and through them we met several gay friends who are some of the nicest people I have ever met and who remain friends to this day.

My friends and family were very supportive and accepting. Indeed, if they hadn't been, I would have thought that they had the problem, not my son. His Dad, who at the time was on the point of leaving me, was completely accepting of Owen being gay and has remained supportive of him. Life hasn't been easy for Owen. He finds it very difficult to meet like-minded gay men in a safe environment. He isn't into the "gay" scene as such and a group like X-plore would have been an ideal space for him to go when he was younger. However he now feels, at 22, that he is a bit too old for a youth group. My message to other parents of L.G.B.T. offspring is to be there for them in the same way you would be there for any son or daughter. Their sexuality should not be a problem for you. I have never hidden my son's sexuality from people around me. If they have a problem it's of their own making. I want both my sons to lead happy lives; whether they are gay or straight it makes no difference, but it may be harder for the gay person because of society's prejudices. We still have a long way to go.